On April 6th I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't altogether surprised, infact it made alot of sense and explained the dizziness, nausea, constant tiredness! I thought I was abit unwell and run down, but infact I was growing a baby. Today is my first midwife appointment and I have had one hell of a scary 72 hours to tell her about. I had what is termed a 'Threatened Miscarriage'. This apparently is very comman, and is scary as hell. So fingers crossed it doesn't happen again. The picture below is me, dancing, while 8 months pregnant with my first child Wren.
I would NOT recommend jumping or dancing around when pregnant, but I'm a stubborn girl and don't always listen to advice, usually preferring to find my own way. With pregnancy the lesson is to definitely err on the side of caution. I have had a BIG scare and a BIG wake up call to the fact that keeping my body in balance is an issue I have not always prioritised, and now that my body is not just my own I have a duty to look after it PROPERLY.
My yoga teacher told me over 6 months ago I had too much fire and needed to find balance, needed more water in my life as too much fire leads to burn out (which I have experienced 3 times in 7 years). I told her in January I wanted to be still and rest and have another baby. Miraculously I have the opportunity to become a mother again.
For anyone reading this, who has a physical profession such as dance, fitness or aerial acrobatics, I'm certain you understand what it is like to push your self to your limits, for unless you experience your limit in training for performance or in fitness training, you are in a comfortable place or at a plateau. Staying with what is comfortable is the opposite of progression. It hurts to build muscle, it hurts to learn new tricks, it hurts to do more than you thought your could do, it is at best uncomforatble. Experiencing the 'limit' has been the norm for me for so many years that I now fear I don't know how to be in a comfortable zone.
This pregnancy has been a real eye-opener so far, harshly presenting the fact that there are always limits in life, and life must be regarded with extreme reverance and respect. I was meditating on the laws of nature, and paying respect to the nature's system of life and death. On Friday I thought my baby had died. Two days prior and very dear family friend died of pancreatic cancer. Needless to say I was grief-stricken all weekend, and was reduced to a weeping wreck, curled up under a duvet. I have come to the only conclusion possible: we are all in a cyclical existence, and live by observing and respecting natures cycles: the rise and fall of the sun and moon, the change in seasons, birth-death-rebirth. Marking these cycles in life, these events, with ceremony and full prescence of being is the only way we can find balance. FIghting the natural order of things, or testing limits, is not for me now. I hope to bring another life into the world in 6 months time, and add some more love and laughter to my little family.
In the meantime I look forward to resting, writing about pregnancy and aerial, taking on some new ante-natal exercise classes, and generally making this shift towards embracing my pregnancy and preparing for birth all over again.